


Just Surviving

by lilredsoupbowl



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-28
Updated: 2013-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-16 12:12:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/861901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilredsoupbowl/pseuds/lilredsoupbowl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Swanfire Fridays - Week 4 Week Prompt - Roadtrip</p><p> After Emma is arrested in Portland, Neal takes a roadtrip up through Canada to lose himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Surviving

The morning after Emma's arrest, Neal woke up in an alley; the alley behind the bar August had taken him to last night. His goal had been to drink himself past consciousness; to at least have a few hours of not realizing how he'd fucked up everything.

Last night's black-out proof that he'd achieved this goal. The banging in his head a welcome surprise; he deserved it. He deserved to suffer. When he rose to his feet,feeling dizzy – he ended up bending over a garbage can and retching his stomach contents.

When he finished, a worker walked out the bar's backdoor,

"Good – you're not dead. Your friend had to leave but left you these. Seemed to think you'd get yourself home just fine.."

He threw something towards Neal, who actually managed to catch – the keys. August left him the keys for the bug!

The barman seemed to be waiting for confirmation from Neal, so he stated,

"- yeah. I can get myself home just fine."

The thing was, home wasn't home anymore. It broke his heart once again, to see the yellow bug parked outside the shitty bar. And it looked the same. Just the same as when he'd kissed Emma and left to sell the watches less than twelve hours ago – and that was not fucking fair! He'd just add it to his list, a list spanning hundreds of years of shit and lies: everything that wasn't fucking fair!

He shouldn't have begun to hope again; to have thought he could achieve some shred of happiness. He'd managed to survive the last 300 years but just 'survive'. Living was just a function. Something he knew how to do – and couldn't bring himself to stop yet. It wasn't until she'd come into his life that – little Bae had returned for a bit. The combination of Bae and Neal saw a life; of setting down roots and advancing past the realm of basic survival.

He'd seen a little house by a beach. Emma smiling; protected by him from her own shit-storm of a past. He'd imagined the nightmares fading away, blocked by the dreamcatcher and Emma in equal portions. He'd even seen children. Little boys and girls who'd never be haunted by green portals – or left on the side of the road like garbage.

And they'd always take care of each other.

Neal smashed his fist against a parking meter, savoring the pain and feel of blood trickling down his hand.

When the throbbing went down; his hand starting to numb,

Neal unlocked the car door and found the box of watches stacked on the passenger seat. One missing. The one they would have found on Emma. Another of his many presents that she'd never to able to keep. He grabbed the box and attempted to throw them into the trunk – another attempt to block out everything.. but it failed! The truck had his and Emma things. Her clothes. The silly baby blanket she'd kept. When he placed the box of watches inside, he realized the truck now housed everything they were going to use to make their life together. The dreamworld of Tallahassee all in one confide space.

He felt himself about to puke again; seated himself on the corner to dry heave. Afterwards, he rose to his feet again; grabbing a duffle bag of his from the trunk and then closing it fast. Not prepared to deal with 'Tallahassee' just yet.

Leaving Portland had been simple, putting miles between him and Emma the only thing keeping him from marching into a police station and turning himself in. August told him it had to be this way, that she needed to think he was a piece of shit in the end – or she'd fight for him.

"Especially if she thinks she's in love with you," August had explained.

She didn't think it, though. She did love him. She loves him as much as he loves her – which was why she needed to go home! She actually had a home! Loving parents! A fucking kingdom to rule! How could he deny her that? What was the trade off there? Be a princess and live happily ever after with the parents you've dreamed of all your life – or live in a shack with a 300 year old drifter; maybe have a few kids; but struggle everyday to get food on the table?

She deserved better! And, after the curse breaks, she was going to get it!

He'd traveled up along the coast of Canada – but even the rocky shoreline had beaches. Not the sunny beaches of Florida, the ones Emma had been so excited over, but he quickly learned it was enough of a reminder; turning into the Canadian wilderness instead. The joke here being the dense forests reminding him of his old life; of being Bae. His world. Their world.

The next month was spent drinking at ever dive he could find. Most of his waking hours found him highly inebriated – but it never stopped him thinking. Nor did it stop the occasional blonde from entering the room and flinging their hair about. Always too showy though. Or not the right shade. Or, most importantly, no glasses. He started sleeping in the car – but he couldn't! Emma's place was clearly vacant. She'd started out stretched out in the passenger seat when they'd joined forces. A few days later, her spot had become in his arms; spread out on the backseat; nuzzling against him.

The backseat too painful, the passenger seat completely off limits, and the driver seat – it worked! It didn't supply the needed leg room, but Neal knew full well he should be suffering.

Weeks flew by as Neal tried to readjust to simply surviving. But in the end, he knew he could never stop wondering about Emma; worrying about her. From what he remembered August saying, it didn't seem like she'd be breaking the curse right out of jail and heading back with her family. What would she do before then? What would she have?Unconsciously, he started back tracking through Canada. It wasn't until Vancouver that he caught himself, realizing full well that he'd been heading for the border. Back to the US and Emma.

Reaching for his new cell phone, Neal dialed the number August left him. In case of emergency, August claimed. Both knew that wouldn't be the case, though. Two abandoned, lost boys stuck in this world – August knew they'd be each other's lifelines for the years to come. Neal had poured his heart out to the guy, drinking himself into oblivion that night. And their next meeting would be no different.

"Hello –"

"August? - could you meet me in Vancouver?"

"Couldn't we just talk over the phone?"

"I'm a night away from crossing the border, driving through states to get to Phoenix. Going to every prison they have and springing her. I've tried to 'do right for her' but - "

"Okay, okay, okay! Give me a couple days and I'll get myself to Vancouver. Can you hold off until then?"

"I'll defiantly try."

It had taken him two days to get a clean vin number for the bug. She'd be legit. The morning before he met August at the docks, Neal finally brought himself to open the trunk in a public park– he sorted through her things; folding her dresses. She didn't have much, but he found himself clutching each piece of fabric and tying it to a certain Emma memory. He could almost hear her laughter again. Her smell present on each item. Knowing this would be the last chance to partake in such things, Neal gave himself over to complete masochism: trying to file away each and every sensory detail into his memory. When he finally closed the trunk again, his things and the dreamcatcher removed, everything was clean and organized in little rows – something less that she'd have to worry about.

Since the very beginnings of their strange courtship, Neal had always had the urge to present her with little tokens. Beaming, she'd explained,

"No one's ever given me a gift before."

That only intensified the gift giving, propelling him into a craze. Certain foods or drinks he thought she seemed to enjoy special; silly objects for tourists; everything became fair game if it made Emma laugh or smile.

Cleaning out the crevices, between the seat; he knew Emma would be given the car in better condition then when either of them stole it.

With her things carefully folded and organized in the trunk; the car cleaned and polished, Neal placed the box of watches once again in his duffle bag. Emma would be given her keychain, bug, and money to build a life on. His final presents for her – maybe some part of him would always stay with her; like she'd always stay with him.


End file.
